Your “Perfect Guy” List Lacks The Most Important Thing.
It’s popular advice in dating coaching: make a list to describe your ideal partner.
I’m not a big fan of it. I like that it clarifies what you’re looking for, but some women get too attached to their descriptions. On top of that, when they find The Guy, but he doesn’t treat them right, they’re willing to accept unbelievable nonsense just because he checks off everything on the list.
That’s why I used to advise my clients to start with a list describing the perfect relationship, not the perfect guy.
But some women insist on their perfect guy lists, even if they’re only in their heads. Okay. If that’s how you want to play it, I won’t argue. I just want to tell you the one thing that’s always missing in a perfect guy list — and it should be priority number one.
He should care about you.
When I was younger, I described my perfect relationship like this: he loves me, I love him. That’s it.
I think it encompasses everything important. If I love him, he must be worth a damn, and if he loves me, he’ll keep making an effort.
Happy relationships don’t just happen. You and your partner won’t always want the same things; you won’t always agree. Your relationship and your life will go through ups and downs. There will be moments when you’ll wish you were single with all your heart — then the thought would scare you.
Through all that, you need someone who will make an effort — otherwise, it’s just you, going at it alone, which is so not fun.
I’m shocked at how many people disagree with me on this.
I’ve shared this idea with friends, and some reactions are killing me.
“You won’t get that. We all just settle at the end,” one friend said.
“This is not enough. What if we love each other, but he’s poor and unambitious?” asked another.
By the way, the first friend got divorced a few years ago, and the second friend is single and childless at 47 (not by choice)…