You Don’t Have It Because You Don’t Think You’re Worth It.

“I had $4000 in my purse, and I felt miserable.”

Photo by Celine from Pexels

“I sat on a bench in a park, with $4000 in my purse, and I felt miserable.”

My mom shared this story with me a few years ago, and it’s still vivid in my mind. It’s happened back in the 90s.

You see, my mom’s mother is an ultra-control freak who’s worked methodically, year after year, to make sure my mom has no sense of self-worth.

“Who’d give you that much money?!” she’d tell her when mom shared the salary she was after.

“Who’d hire you on such a position?!” she’d say before mom went to an important job interview.

Sometimes, when mom would lose her temper, granny would retort with something like, “Stop screaming at me. No wonder no man wants you.”

Since my parents are divorced, and I’d spent a lot of time with granny as a child, I’d heard similar things about myself, too.

Now, because I’m her granddaughter, which provided more distance, I’ve managed, at least somewhat, to move away from her toxic influence. At 14, I moved to live with my dad. At 17, I got a live-in job in tourism; at 19, I went to university, and life showed me more colour and forced me to face my negative beliefs. So I…