You Can’t See How You’re Destroying Your Amazing Future

Self-sabotage is stronger than desire or will.

Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

“There is stability in self-destruction, in prolonging sadness as a means of escaping abstractions like happiness. Rock bottom is a surprisingly comfortable place to lay your head. Looking up from the depths of another low often seems a lot safer than wondering when you’ll fall again. Falling feels awful.”
― Kris Kidd

Fireworks in all colours of the rainbow explode in my dark mind, again and again.

I am a positive person; God damn it. I am sure of it. My confidence has always been one of my greatest assets. I’ve jumped into things no one else dared to try, and I’m not talking about bungee jumping.

I’m talking about agreeing to move to London the moment I got a job offer — and moving within less than a week.

I’m talking about quitting a great job to do something I have no idea how to do.

I’m talking about moving back to Bulgaria for a guy I barely knew.

I’m talking horrifying stuff.

But lately, I don’t know how to move forward. It feels like I’m trying to run through a concrete wall. Not even a brick wall. A concrete one.