Boring Love Is The Best Kind Of Love.
“I’ve been in love before, and it felt different.”
--
“I’ve been in love before, and it felt different. Maybe this is a new, better boring kind of love?”
I’m rewatching The Big Bang Theory. Well, that’s a stretch: I have it in the background as I’m cooking and looking after my baby boy. It’s a pleasant reminder of life B.C. — before children.
The other day, I heard Penny say this line, and I smiled. That was me ten years ago. Exhausted from the thrilling kind of love, I happily started a relationship with someone who made me feel… comfortable.
I wondered back then if that was the right decision. If this love wasn’t too “boring” to last. If this was just a break before I dust myself off and go look for the exhilarating thrill again.
It wasn’t.
Let’s describe the thrill you think you want.
- You feel like he’s out of your league. You want to be with him to prove you can.
- You feel he’s unreliable. You want to take a shot at changing him
- You love the drama. The drama makes you feel loved, and nothing is hotter than make-up sex.
- You feel an instant connection that’s an illusion. Because what do you know about him?
- You’re willing to pretend you’re interested in things he’s interested in. Oh, how he opens up your world.
Thrilling love is the love that makes you work for it. You like it because every time you get a thumbs up (in the form of him calling, asking for forgiveness, or approving you in any way), your brain releases a powerful dose of dopamine.
Good job, it tells you, and you’re addicted to that moment. You’re okay with the next down because you know it leads to the next up, and that’s what it’s all about.
Here’s the problem.
Thrilling love is exhausting.
Love isn’t supposed to feel like a job, but thrilling love does. The thrill wants you to work for it. Hard.
In a happy relationship, you feel loved even when you don’t deserve it, and you love even when your partner doesn’t…
